Societal Norms

I feel as though I am stranger in this world when it comes to societal norms. I am a social worker first. I see all people as equal. No one person is better than anyone. I am also authentic and try to be true to who I am. But today my significant other gave me a memo something that I wasn’t aware of.

You see sometimes I feel as though I am an alien from outer-space because I do not know the rules of the workplace. Apparently, you aren’t allowed to show your true feelings. There is an hierarchy that is in place and you aren’t supposed to process your feelings in the workplace. From my point of view sharing your feelings is being authentic and real. But you are not supposed to be that in the workplace.

You have to hide your feelings. I spent years swallowing up who I am. And hiding from my real self. When I found out that I could relay how I felt in the moment, I would think always being honest with your feelings was the right thing to do.

Apparently, it is not. What makes it especially difficult is that I fought for my boss. But she doesn’t fight for me. One of the reasons she has her job is because I fought for her. But when it comes to her seeing me, she as blind to the value of my work. For some reason, she thinks my work is a competition with hers. She refuses to see what I bring to the table. I want to change this but I can’t. I just have to accept that I will go unseen.

When I was a young person, I begged my family to see me and they couldn’t. So I guess when I am in the workplace, I want the same thing. It’s not the workplace’s responsibility to see me. It is mine. I have to know solidly wherever I go that I am ok.

I haven’t felt that way since I got rejected from the job that I applied for that I had been working for almost four years. The department I work for sees me. But for some reason my boss can not. It’s not any of my business how my boss feels about me but for some reason I still search for validation.

But validation has to come from me. I was given four weeks to find another job because my contract is ending. I was promised it would be renewed if I performed well. That wasn’t the truth. Did my boss fight for me? No.

Am I disappointed — yes. But if I am a spiritual person, I should know everything happens for a reason. And there is a job out there where the people around me will appreciate me. So maybe it is God wanting something better for me.

Instead of me kicking and screaming and making it worse by sending texts that I just accept it is what it is. And when a door closes, a window opens. And maybe societal norms are here to protect us from ourselves. And I will learn to embrace them. Thank you for letting me share. Take care — Juls